What is it about a bonfire?

Why does turning out the lights make people warm up, open up and share stories?

Real stories.

Not the kind that are full of self-serving attention fishing, or humblebrags propping up the perfectly polished life they’ve so carefully curated on Instagram.

I mean the kind that makes them vulnerable…

Revealing the cracks in their finely polished armor.

The ones that make them human.

Flames seem to purify the emotional environment we are operating in and melt away pretense and reveal the truth.

There are two different worlds

How we act when the lights are on…

It seems like when the lights are on, people talk about what they are doing in their lives.

They talk about the things they think you want to hear – the highlight reel – the stuff that makes them sound busy.

All we can see are the things that need to get done, deadlines that need to be met, phone calls that need to be made.

When was the last time your power went out? Did you light candles? How did you feel? Lighter?

How we act when the lights are off…

But, when the stars come out and a fire is lit, the crackle and warmth draw us closer…

The masks come off – the veil comes down – defenses are lowered.

Goodness seems to soak into you as you release your cares like the tiny embers floating above you.

We tend to argue less, tuck our soapboxes away for a while and listen longer.

Around a fire, people want to look inward and talk about the inner, hidden-from-view parts of their lives.

They talk about how they’re feeling.

They speak truthfully, subjectively about what’s going on inside them – what they care about.

That kind of openness invites others to drop their guard and share.

When people respond you realize you matter – and none of the ego-driven charades we usually put on for people in the daylight, do.

Our Point of Connection

Vulnerability is attractive, intoxicating, and engaging.

It’s the point where humans can actually connect – the point of weakness, not strength and defense.

It’s where relationships begin and love can flourish.

Since we are all humans – and all businesses are run by humans – our brands have to be human.

All marketing is human to human – not B2B, or B2C – it’s H2H.

When we try to shine a spotlight on how put together our lives are, or how polished our services are we create distance, and the gap between us grows.

So in order for customers to relate to us, that gap has to be overcome by people who aren’t perfect.

That makes relationships and sales harder.

But the good news is that we can draw people closer to us and close that gap between us.

Just light a bonfire.

Tell your authentic truth, warts and all.

Risk the vulnerability, show your weakness – open up and allow us to see the still-in-process, fragmented, and ugly parts of yourself and your business.

Without these types of stories, the surface of our brands and businesses seem smooth, polished, and perfect.

Real people – our customers – cannot relate to perfect.

Because none of us are.

As we rough up the surface of our brand with authentic stories of failure or misfortune or missteps along the way, now we create something people can hold onto.

Each of these stories can create a potential point of connection for someone.

Your pain, process, and struggles resonate with the issues and problems your customers are dealing with right now (why they come to you in the first place).

And just like that…

You connected with someone, and they felt emotional engagement and attachment to your brand.

You’ve created meaning for your customer.

This takes you from being a commodity to an invaluable asset.

Don’t be afraid to show your authentic self when it serves your customers.

Sure, some people won’t like it.

You aren’t for everybody anyway.

But you are for some very specific people, and those people – YOUR PEOPLE – will flock to you when you speak their language and show them you are like them.

Share your values, beliefs, and stories and you’ll build a strong brand and loyal community.